It's the holidays, I am getting depressed. I LOVE Christmas, I HATE Christmas. All the happy people, the children with eyes lighting up when they see the lights, the decorated trees. We have no tree set up yet, we could get out our white ill looking fake tree. We've had it for more than ten years, a few branches are missing and it's just plain ugly. Seeing the tree out is pathetic. I can't even get excited with decorating it. The kids will be happy to see it once my mom feels we need the tree out. I, on the other hand, don't feel like partying and being all goody-goody happy. I am miserable and that's all. I don't feel happy and don't feel like faking being happy for anyone. My mom will do whatever and the kids will have their eyes shinning as always, dh will bring out candies and the kids will love him for it as always. Mom does anything and the kids don't care. I'm always the one that does the discipline here, I'm always the bad one that the kids love to hate. UGH! I'm just tired of my life.
Fed up of paying for dh's stupid money problems. *I* have paid all the bills for the past months, *I* have suffered not being able to buy what I want for myself, *I* have been the one explaining to Zoe that no we can't go eat at McDonald's because we have no stinkin' money! Me, myself and I have to be the one living in all this debt while dh is just well being a jerk! He's the one that got the pleasure to max out every freakin' credit card, he's the one that got to decide that he wouldn't pay bills when they came, he chose to eat out at lunch-time when he was working. Thus no more money by the weekend to take his family out for lunch.
I'm sick and tired of my life! ARGH! I'm sick of having to give kids asthma medecine and fighting them for it! I'm sick of hearing them cough, I'm sick of being myself sick. I just want to sleep, well nooooooooo, Lucas won't let mommy sleep! Lucas needs mommy at night! ARGH!
Oh and happy freakin' holidays to all! Off to pout! LOL! See I feel better already? So the kids will have only 1-2 gifts each and I will get one cheap gift from my mom. It's just not as happy and exciting Christmas like I used to long for when I was little. UGH! To be back to childhood sometimes....
Also this morning my alcoholic uncle called.... he left a message on the machine to call him back! I'm not calling and aready told my mom I'd prefer for him not to come visit us. Of course she'll let him stay at least one night AS ALWAYS. The is my dad's brother, he's the only family member that has seen both kids and he's the only one we still get news from. But he's a drunk, gets drunk when he comes, gets drunk when he leaves. That's all they do on that side of the family. Why submit my kids to that, if I can avoid it? UGH!
I'm 3 inches away from finishing my 1st knitted sock! :)
no hugs for anyone today! LOL! :P
Posted by Jo at December 12, 2002 12:16 PM