Jo Knits!

P, for Peace

I'm on an old keyboard, the cordless got water all over it! :(

Today we got 3 hang up calls, every hour another call. It was scary, I didn't know who it could be, I thought maybe it's Carl. I was so afraid I didn't go take my shower after the last call. My mom had just left with the kids and being alone with these hang up calls still happening I was afraid to stay alone in the shower. I kow SILLY but I was genuinely scared.

I was chatting online telling a friend about these calls when a taxi stops in front of the house. The driver gets out and leave a letter in the mailbox. Oh my goodness, what is this!? I look at the enveloppe at right away I recognize Carl's handwritting.

I am bawling, it said to Jo and those I love (Lucas, Zoe and MIL) I open the letter and right away check the pages, there are 4 of them, it had a phone number at the end of it. I call it... dang! it's not answering. I read the 1st page, I try to call again at the number, the phone's off. Read more, call again. Hello!? Phone goes dead on the other end. ARGH! I now, take the time to read the whole letter bawling over each sentences.

He was the one making the hand up calls, he was trying to talk but hearing the kids in the background would choke him up and he'd hang up. I call him again, finally the call goes through. Are you still in the area, I ask!? He is and we arrange to meet in a while. Well ok, now I can go take my shower without fearing another hang up call. Oh my God, I don't know what to think, scrubbing soap all over body, man what will I tell him? Quick rinse, get dressed and called him yet again. Ok I'm ready, let's meet at the park. I bring some tissues, I know we'll need them.

I walk quickly but also in fear, what if he's not there? How long should I wait for him. I feel so sick to y stomach, I want to throw up. Soon enough, I'm at the park, where is he? ACK! I don't see him, what to do, what to do, I'll walk around the park and then we'll see. OH! He's sitting right there... I'm across the street from him. WOW! He's changed, I haven't seen him in almost 3 weeks. He's lost weight in his face. Anyway I cross the street and walk up to him and stop 15 feet from him.

I can't do this, I just can't. I start crying right then and there and walk off the trail and "hide" next to a tree. I try to compose myself and go back to sit on another bench in front of him. We both cry, I never saw him cry from emotions. The only time I saw him cry in the 5 years we were together was over a movie we saw. It take so time before I can even say a word. We start talking and eventually he comes and sit right next to me on my bench.

We talk so long that we even begin to freeze! LOL! So I suggest we go take a coffee somewhere and then on our way, I ask if he's hungry. We decide that lunch would be nice, we are both hungry. By the time we get to a restaurant it had been 3 hours we've been talking.

We had a whole lot to talk about, a few times he had outbursts of tears. I talked to him about when Lucas was in the hospital, everything I felt when we were there, all that happen. He told me what he was doing on his side for the past few weeks. He thought about suicide more times than I can imagine. ;( He told me that he was about to go for it the night our friend paged him that Lucas was in the hospital. That's when he realized that he wanted to live for his kids, he wanted them to have a dad and be proud to have him as a dad.

We will be talking more tomorrow and he will see the kids the night of Halloween. I don't know if it's a good idea but I can see that he misses the kids and I think it will be good for him to see them. I don't know what the future holds for us but that letter he wrote me opened my eyes to something I had never seen. We will need much talking, luck and prayers to get through this. Then we will see what happens.

That's my update for today, it has been a long and very emotional day.

As for knitting content, none done today.

'night.