Today was a BAD day, I cried almost all day. ;-( I realized that Carl ain't coming back, I know it's silly but hey he's my kids father. Of course, I'd like to be the picture perfect family but I know it can't happen either. I just wished he gave us some news. Where is he, how is he, safe, hurt, hungry, healthy? Ok, so maybe I should stop worrying but what can I say, I don't want him hurt either. He did hurt me but the kids might want to know who there father is as they grow up.
I felt down, getting personal attacks really hurt me and I think I will be leaving the computer off a tad longer from now on. It did give me a new perspective on how strongly some of my friends feel about me. In a sense this mess made me realize how lucky I was to have them. (waving to Crystal and Tori!) ;-) Crystal is my online best buddy, we chat everyday and all day! LOL! Well... many times a day, she's the 1st one I say hey to in the morning and often the last person I talk to before I go to sleep. We have kids of similar ages and her daughter is only 4 days younger than Zoe and her son is 4 months older than Lucas. She has a wonderful husband who I seem to always say lame stuff too. LOL! ;-) Now on the other Tori, LOL! She's just Tori. ;-) A very strong willed girl that will make her way in life. Even if obstacles gets in her, she'll step on them with her combat boots and make sure to reach her dreams. :-)
The knitting part of my day didn't go to well. For the past two days I've been trying to finish off this hat. UGH! It's not going well, each time I switch to Double Pointed Needles I seem to loose many stitches from the DPNs. I'd then go back to my circular needles to redo that last row and switch to the DPNs. Then loose stitches and just GIVE UP for the day. Why is knitting not on my side today? That's like the day I tried 5 times to cast on 72 stitches with the cable cast on. That didn't go to well either! LOL! I did wise up and just go the easy way with a long tail cast on. Of course now my "baby" hat fits my 3yo so that's not perfect either but Zoe likes it at least.
Today I received nice emails! LOL! One I totally didn't expect and was really nice to read. Thank you to the writter, you really did make me smile. Knowing what you wrote makes me feel better about "issues". The 2nd email well... :-D THAT made me grin. LOL! Two days ago I drank a beer, my 1st one in probably 6months or more. It got right to my head and I was in a happy mood. A "friend" of mine had his birthday this past week and I emailed him. The beer gave me the courage to do it. LOL! I wrote a friendly email and have been obsess with checking my emails for the past 48hours. When I totally not expect it, I see he replied. It was nice to get a reply. LOL! It made me grin. I did not tell him that Carl left. I didn't feel the need to do so. I might in a future email, I don't know yet. This is someone I would like to be friends with, we haven't seen each other in 20months and then before that it had been 3years we hadn't seen each. We spoke/emailed about 3-4 times in 5years. LOL! So I can't say we are close but I can say that I don't way to get too close. "It" just won't happen. He was in my past and the story will stay in the past. I would like a friend though, I don't have many and he makes me smile.
We'll see, we'll see. I should email him back maybe? I don't know yet, I will wait a few days because I don't know what to say yet.
I miss having someone who makes me smile though...
Tomorrow I'll succeed in finishing the hat. Lucas needs a hat too! LOL!
Tonight the kids were having fun dressing up, Zoe is soooooo eager to get candies on Halloween. :-) I can't wait for the candies on sale starting the day after! LOL! I love to stock up on the mini-chocolate bars. Great sweet pick me ups! :)
hugs.
Posted by Jo at October 27, 2002 10:19 PM