October 23, 2002
M, for ME!
Just an ordinary day. Went to my mommies "let's chat while the kids play at daycare" group. It was fun, I did talk a tad bit about Carl. People are making me realise that he has planned his disappearance act for quite some time. I need to wake up and "see" that.
I'm still in some sort of denial. How can you just pack up and leave your kids behind!? I still expect that he'll knock on the door at any time. I'm always afraid when I hear the door bell. I'm hoping that if he does pop up at the door that Zoe won't see him. We need to talk before he gets to see the kids! UGH! I try to shake it off but it's hard to think we have vanished from his mind. You can't just forget yur family in an instant now can you?
I need for him to tell me it's over, I need for him to give me back his key to this house. I need closure, I want to move on with my life and not hope that maybe at Christmas he'll knock on the door and have gifts for the kids. I need a sign from him to tell me that he won't be there for them. I need something! Of course I could be the one to decide that it's over but I can't even tell him that since he's no where to be found. UGH!
I need to call that social worker and she can help me plan my future. It's silly but I don't feel like calling her just yet. Maybe tomorrow! LOL!
Hey!!!! I finished Zoe's hat!!!!!! I am soooooo proud of myself and it doesn't show in the pic but she was as excited as can be! :-)
1st pic is the unfinished hat worn by Lucas and 2nd pic is Zoe forgetting to smile for the camera! LOL!
