Well, I'm not sure what to say today. I guess we are starting a new life for ourselves. No news from the kids father, I sure can't keep calling him my boyfriend but "the kids father" seems so cold at the same time. Oh well.
Today the kids are on a special day at the daycare, they stay from 08:30am to 03:30pm, it happens once a month. Zoe's group have gone to the Botanical Gardens to see the pumpkin exhibit. I'm sure she'll have alot of fun. They'll go by bus and come back by subway too. Hey for a bunch of 3-5yo's it's exciting! ;-) And here I am typing in my online diary. I just don't know what to do.
I had planned so many things but then my life just flipped over and changed all around in the past week. I want to get all of Carl's stuff out of the way, seeing it all around the house pisses me off. It'll be good for me and the kids to not see it. Yesterday afternoon I talked with someone, she told me if Zoe asks for her dad I can simply tell her the truth. "I sincerely don't know where he is but if you want you can me him a drawing for the next time you see him." Also we can build a little mailbox together and write daddy "letters" and when he comes home, he'll have a whole lot of letters to read. I thought that could be a good way for Zoe to deal with her feelings. She also suggested that I draw my anger instead of screaming or hitting the walls, 'cause well the walls don't care if I hit them. LOL! Anyway it's a way to show the kids how to deal with anger too. I've been taking the anger class 2 times now and still need help dealing with it! LOL! Yesterday we had a class about discipline, that was good. I really like her "parenting" classes, I do think they help me become the parent I strive to be.
Next week there's a new class starting, it's called "there's no one perfect" and we learn about all sorts of aspects of being a parent. Should be interesting!
I thought of going to a yarn shop today but it's far and was hoping to go with my mom. Mom's busy, she's helping an old friend pack up her stuff, she's moving to Italy very soon, like by the end of the month! It's sad 'cause she was like a grandma to me and we've known this lady and her husband for more than 10 years. I will miss her and they aren't getting any younger. Basically we won't be seeing them after they leave the country! :(
Now as for the future. Should I go back to school, find a job, part time or full time or live off the government! LOL! Ok that last option is more like a joke! ;-) I do need to start thinking and get a move on things, I can't feed my kids with money I don't have. Well.... I do have enough money monthly to feed my kids but I need more money to live. I can't expect my mom to spend money she doesn't have either! Man, I feel sooooooo foolish to have paid one of Carl's bills last week, if only I had known he wasn't coming back. It was 160$ that I just put down the drain to help him! UGH!
Also did I write about Visa? Well I'm stuck with his bill, my name was on his account even though I only bought a few times with my card. It's so hard to "start" a new life knowing I've got a huge credit card bill hanging over my head. Makes me sick that Carl left all this to me. I will call his other credit cards and let him know he's a dead beat buyer, they can go run after him 'cause I sure don't know where he's hiding.
I'm gonna go knit something! LOL! Get that steam out of my ears and then MAYBE I'll go pack his shit in a few garbage bags. We don't need the constant reminder that he's not here and still stumble upon his junk.
Nah! I'm gonna go start a load of wash, cloth diapers need to be cleaned and I'll go surprise my mom back raking the backyard! I'm such a sweetie! :-D She's gonna think I flipped! TEEHEE! But what can I say, I'm starting to realize how much of life my mom sacrificed to bring me up all on her own. (My dad died when I was 9) So off to play in the leaves.
Wonder what I'll eat for lunch....
hugs to all.
Posted by Jo at October 18, 2002 10:35 AM