(I wrote this someowhere and just copy and pasted it here, too lazy to type up a new post right now!)
Well... it's over. 'My fiance has left without a trace, he got his pager number turned off and a friend traced his last phone call which is from a public phone. So basically who knows where he's at.
Last night Zoe started crying, this is the 1st time that she is crying over the fact that daddy isn't home anymore. She's seen him wednesday for 10 minutes and that's the last time she's heard from him. I told her how daddy wasn't sleeping at home anymore and that he loved her VERY much. She asked if maybe daddy was at the arcade playing video games, if we could go see. By this time I'm bawling too ;-( (as I am right now, just typing about it!) Zoe's not used to see mommy cry at I don't think she knew what to do. Thankfully we live with my mom and she tried to get Zoe to play with a game.
It's so hard to have to explain to Zoe what's going on, Lucas can't show us really how he feels but he says "papa" throughout the day, sometimes he even calls me daddy. Everyone keeps telling me I'm only 25, that's so young, I still have my whole life ahead of me. Well yeah, I'm young, people still want to talk to my parents when I answer the door! LOL! But it's hard to see that the future will be happier.
It's so hard to realise that dh doesn't want to be found. He turned off his pager either monday or tuesday, as a friend had paged him sunday night. So now I can expect no child support. Every little bit helps right? I can't believe he just bailed on us and left us to "dry". No money, no nothing.
His junk is starting to piss me off all around the house. There's a basket full of his dirty laundry and I sure ain't gonna wash it. UGH! I got proof that last month when he said he was out of town, it was a lie. How do I know this!? I found a bill from the pawn shop, he was right in town and he went and pawned his prized CD player. Now I wonder how much stuff is at the pawn shop. I can't just go there and buy it all back either. Pawn shops are really under strict laws, so anyway my engagement ring is probably in one of them. I was thinking of giving it to Zoe when she was 16yo or something, as a special token. Well noooooo, 'cause her freakin' daddy probably pawned it! :-(
UGH! I'm gonna go throw up, I feel ill.
Posted by Jo at October 16, 2002 08:47 AM