Jo Knits!

still sad

12:30AM, Carl hasn't come home from work... I'm numb, well not completly. I know I'll cry myself to sleep tonight. I checked my instant messanging programs and no one is on to chat. I go to a board to chat and guess I'm just too quiet to be noticed.

I feel so alone right now and all I'd want is a hug. :-( We watched the Wedding Planner movie tonight... It was a nice movie, a tad too romantic for tonight maybe. I cried...

I can't believe that Carl might have left us without telling me. Why!? At least tell me so I can deal with it, you know!? What should I tell the kids. MAN, this is hard. I feel just so alone in the whole wide world right now. I am blue.

Maybe he will come home tonight, who knows!? He never called today, not that he usually does. Doesn't he care about his own kids?

ARGH! Tears rolling, I just don't know what to do... Should I still pay his bills. How will I buy food this week!? The kids are going to daycare 4 afternoons in a row. My mom will help pay but he knows they are going. How can I pay for that if he doesn't bring money home?

I am sad... I don't know what to do. I'm crying... life just isn't fun anymore. I keep making concessions for everyone all the freakin' time. I want to be alone, I want to have peace, I want to be loved by someone who really wants to love me. I want my family to be happy. Who would want of a girl with two kids!? I'm 25 years old and it feels like life just ended right now. I don't have time to enjoy my youth, I don't have the energy to play with the kids and build happy memories. I don't want this life anymore.

I dream of 2 weeks away on my own. Take the train and just go to Parry Sound, to my aunt's and hopefully they have a bed available.

I don't want to wake up tomorrow knowing that Carl never came home. Zoe is sleeping on daddy's pillow right now. How do I tell her in the morning that he never slept home, how do I tell her that I have no clue when he'll hug her next. Do I tell her he still loves her or that he's just a bastard feel leaving me like this?

I'm hurt!